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Sunday
Oh dear! there's so many things to write about. so many things happened in the past two days, gd and bad though i could sum it up as mostly sad ones.
First things first, thanks len, fang and kee min. thanks.
since i'm on the topic of that post, i want to jot this down here to remind me of how i 'evolved'. Its truly amazing and i have absolutely no idea what came over me. I wonder if i can still keep this peace within me when i see him tomorrow. anyway, my heart bled big time on sat night. i cried myself to bed. yes, it hurts. i thot i will take a while before i can see myself smile and face the world.In addition to the heartbreak, i was due to bid farewell to all my darlings at tampines safra yesterday too. how much sadness can i take? well, i must say that the departure from safra hurt me more than the rejection. I saw the unwillingness in my fav student, i kind of think he came back to training coz i returned but now, i'm leaving again. it pains me to know that he'll quit coz grace and myself wun be there anymore. he's gd and he's got great potential.
just when i think the whole day sucked, i made a hasty decision to attend the commencement party last night. and that party was definitely a morale booster for me. perhaps its this inflated esteem that makes me feel less miserable. I was totally flattered by all the nice things pple said abt me and was very pampered by the attention i recieved. Well, those who missed the occasion of me dressing up as a lady...well, too bad. For those who played a part in boosting my esteem, i sincerely thank you. it makes me feel less rotten.
I guess its human nature to need compliments and hear nice things. i do not know how sincere the compliments (call me cynical...wats new anyway)but i dun give a damn. it makes me feel gd. and knowing that kids in safra loves me makes me even more confident of myself. delusion of grandeur....but heck it lah. IT MAKES ME FEEL GD ABT MYSELF! i need that lest i start wallowing in self pity. no way am i allowing myself to degrade to that state. lOve aint everything. there's more to life!
with all that, i found peace with myself. no self bashing, no regrets, no sadness....just peace. things returns to normal. i cld jest with him over sms and our meet ups continue. i feel confident to face him, i'm no loser. i hope this conviction stays with me. dun abandon me at the final moments.
Tell me something gd abt me. (oops....sounds like an egomaniac)
well, other news....i'm sick. been sniffing the entire day. am getting a little sore throat too, thanks to the extreme effort i put into coaching these two days. i feel like i've done enuff workout for the wk. i really gave it all this wk. i know i'll miss my kids lots. i've got pics of my fav kids, wanna see it?
9/15/2002|0comments [speak] 