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Monday
I am in deep shit! got a 10page report due on tues(20%) and a test on tues too! but i am too tired to think. boohooo!!!!! i really hate coming back. i dun like reality. why cant i stay in my perfect dreamland???!!!
oh well, but still i went out for dinner with chewpeng and her students. her students are super amazing. the 3 girls got thru to the finals of the national schools cross country finals, and two of them qualified as individuals too! how wonderful! i am so glad for these girls. err...that's actually not the point. rather its the scolding that chew peng gave them that aroused some thoughts in me( what's new?). what determines a 'good friend'? what does a 'friend' means? can people from extremely different backgrounds, of different traits accept the differences and be good friends? despite training together for a year and a half,these 3 girls still cannot sort out their differences and in lieu of the separation, i think that will be the most heartbreaking thing for chewpeng.
i was never in a team sport. swimming cannot really be considered a team thing especially when the person you will want to defeat is the guy swimming right next to you. i must say that i cannot appreciate the bonding process involved and perhaps that is also why i am so cold towards some of my friends. i used to be a loner and having friends simply throws me into an unfamilar situation. i admit that after like 6 years of learning i havent progress much beyond my loner self. i do not know if i am the weird one that feels this way but i find keeping friendship a pretty demanding and to a great extent tiring obligation. like chewpeng said, the worst that could happen( to her students) is when the person that touched your life just abandon you. i think it applies to all human relationships too. the most blatant example will be a break up isnt it? i know that there are some friends that i do not want to lose and should put in effort to keep the frienship going but i am sitting on my hands. i think i am tired and i need a break. i think i am lost and do not know my way. i think the heavy workload is getting to me. being a fatalist, i shall continue deluding myself that those who are meant to be will be.
3/04/2002|0comments [speak] 